So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
