There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize