This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
