but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
