The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
