We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
