Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
