im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
