Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
