Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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