You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
