so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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