I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize