Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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