walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
