Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
