I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
