You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
