Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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