What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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