they need to just BURY HIM!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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