im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
