I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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