I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
