I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
