The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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