Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
