Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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