I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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