4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
