So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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