I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
