The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize