Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
