i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
