I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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