You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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