I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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