my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
