i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Drunk is a universal language darling
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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