Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
