I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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