Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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