he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The air was thick with penises
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize