Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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