you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize