I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
