and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
