but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
