You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize