The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
