God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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