Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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