im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
