Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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