ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
