if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
