i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
