in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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