sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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