im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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