Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
