Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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