I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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