You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
