would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
