my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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