Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
